In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Part I
Leo: I heard your dad was in the hospital again.
Josh: Yeah, they think they got it all this time.
Leo: Is he taking it easy?
Josh: No. He goes to the office at 7 every morning, comes home at 8 every night. On the weekends he cleans the gutters and yells at the squirrels.
Leo: Why does he yell at the squirrels?
Josh: 'Cause they eat the seeds out of the bird feeder.
Leo: You know, they make a thing now…
Josh: He knows, but he prefers to admonish them.
Josh: Listen, I gotta go. I should let you…
Sam: I've got to get back to this thing.
Josh: It's good seeing you again.
Sam: It's good seeing you too. I miss you.
In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Part II
Sam: Actually, I have a thing. I have a thing I was going to mention. Just a proposal to throw out there. When I was a Congressional aide we had an expression: “No idea is too stupid to say out loud.” So here it is, and bear me out: instead of buying these ships, don't buy these ships. Buy other ships. Buy better ships.
The Midterms
Bartlet: Toby, go with us to the radio thing.
Toby: Oh, God. Really, sir?
Bartlet: There'll be crab puffs.
And It's Surely to Their Credit
Donna: Stay here for a second.
Sam: Why?
Donna: I'm gonna do my thing.
Sam: I've seen it.
Donna: Yeah, but I'm adding a joke.
Donna: Did you know leaf-peeping was a thing?
Josh: Leaf-peeping?
The Portland Trip
Josh: I'm going to tell him to sign the damn thing.
Toby: Okay.
Josh: How's his mood?
Toby: He's frustrated, he's feeling…
Josh: You know, when he goes off on a thing, Toby, he expects you to bring him in.
Shibboleth
Sam: Well over three and a half centuries ago, strengthened by faith, bound by a common desire for liberty, a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the new world where they could worship according to their own beliefs…and solve crimes.
Toby: Sam…
Sam: It'd be good.
Toby: Read the thing.
Sam: By day they churned butter and worshiped according to their own beliefs, and by night they solved crimes.
Toby: Read the thing.
Sam: Pilgrim detectives.
Josh: They're seeking religious asylum.
Bartlet: You're kidding me.
Josh: The Christian community's going to scream that they've got to stay, China's going to say send them back, INS is going to say the law's the law. This is a whole new thing.
Bartlet: I'm still waiting for the thing.
Sam: Right here.
Galileo
Toby: The Milwaukee Journal is quoting an unnamed White House source as saying the President doesn't like green beans.
Josh: That's a pretty slow news day in Milwaukee.
Toby: Josh…
Josh: Ah, It's not going to be a thing.
Toby: Anyway, they're hypothesizing that the thing came down at an odd angle and that its position might be preventing the antenna from establishing a downlink.
Sam: They've got a lot of tests they can still try.
Mallory: How much money is it going to cost to try them?
Sam: Don't start with me.
Mallory: I'm asking as a taxpayer. It cost 165 million dollars to lose the thing. How much more money is it going to cost to make sure you never find it?
Noel
Josh: Stanley, I got home from the thing, I made a drink. I sat down, I pushed the magazine aside to use as a coaster, I missed the coaster.
Josh: I don't need the emergency room.
Leo: Come on, it could be infected. You could have a thing.
Josh: What thing?
Leo: How the hell do I know?
The Leadership Breakfast
Donna: Where did you get the wood?
Josh: It was sitting in the…thing.
Donna: I think that was meant to be decorative!
Donna: CJ…
CJ: Don't give me a thing.
Donna: I'm just a messenger, but I think he's saying we don't snub Jancowitz…
CJ: 'Cause of the thing.
The Drop-In
Sam: “The time for such debate is over. As of today, it shall be the unequivocal position of the United States government that global warming constitutes a clear and present danger to the health and future well-being of this planet and all its inhabitants.” Did somebody get that?
Ginger: Yes.
Sam: I didn't see anyone writing.
Bonnie: You already wrote it.
Sam: I just added a thing.
Ginger: We got it.
Sam: I just added “The time for debate is over.”
Ginger: We got it.
Bartlet: Listen, I gotta go a few blocks across town and give an address on global warming and the future of our planet. That's not something you're interested in, right?
Lord Marbury: Oh good God, no.
Bartlet: Okay. Well, stay here and fight with Leo about something; we'll get you some dinner. I'll be back in an hour, we'll do your thing and then enjoy the reception.
Lord Marbury: Excellent.
The War at Home
Sam: Is he coming?
Leo: He's stopping in on his way from the thing.
Bartlet: It was an ambush. A guy with a shoulder thing shot down a Blackhawk. Everybody's dead.
Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail
Josh: So now you have two choices - meeting with an unruly mob or meeting with lunatic mapmakers.
Toby: Or getting paid a lot more money working almost anywhere else I want.
Leo: Seriously, Toby, there'll be security there.
Toby: What about press?
CJ: Just wires.
Toby: No, I mean TV.
CJ: No cameras.
Toby: You negotiated that?
CJ: Yeah.
Toby: They agreed to it?
CJ: You want to make out with me right now, don't you?
Toby: Well, when don't I? Give me the thing.
The Stackhouse Filibuster
Bartlet: I made a deal with Abbey…cause of my thing.
Leo: One term.
Bartlet: My thing, by the way, is the reason that Hoynes stepped up on oil.
17 People
Josh: Sam and I are gonna punch up the thing for tomorrow. Hey, we need funny people.
Donna: Yeah?
Josh: You know any? See, right there was a joke. It's the oldest joke in the book.
Donna: I'll say…You want help with the thing?
Josh: Why are we talking about the ERA?
Sam: She's doing a thing.
Josh: Yeah, but it's not back or anything, right?
Sam: Certainly not if Phyllis Schlafly over here has her way.
Ainsley: Look, I'm a low maintenance lady. I've got the 14th amendment; I'm fine.
Sam: We're doing fine. Toby's going to come in and nail it. This is his thing.
Sam: Where's Josh?
Donna: You sent him to get the thing.
Sam: For how long? I've had time to spill coffee, you know, a lot.
Donna: I'll find him.
The Fall's Gonna Kill You
Leo: Toby, you want to talk about when we tell Sam?
Toby: I wouldn't do it right now.
Leo: Why?
Toby: His head is in the SME speech for Chicago…
Josh: The thing…
Toby: Hang on. His head is in Chicago and that's where we need it. Would you want to write the speech with this other thing around your neck?
Josh: No.
Leo: The President wants him to know by the end of the day.
Donna: This giant thing is falling to earth. They're watching it on radar. Isn't there something we do?
Josh: Like what?
Donna: Like sound the alarm. I don't know.
Josh: Sound the alarm?
Donna: There is no alarm.
Josh: There's really not.
18th & Potomac
Sam: Leo, I want to state right here, right now, in terms so plain and clear as to command their assent…
Leo: We're having a meeting tonight.
Sam: The whole country's going to assume he's not running when he announces the thing.
Leo: We're having a meeting.
Sam: The press is going to assume…
Leo: We're having a meeting!