Five Votes Down
Margaret: You don't want a violinist?
Leo: To play the violin?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo: Is that what people get now?
Margaret: I know it's available.
Leo: No. 'Cause after the initial thing wears off it's just a guy with a violin in my house.
The Crackpots and These Women
Donna: Donald hasn't called yet.
Josh: Who's Donald?
Donna: Donald. From the thing?
Donna: Wait. Uh, there's another thing.
Josh: What?
Donna: Hang on…
Josh: Donna…
Donna: Hang on, here it is. Leo wants you to meet someone named Lacey from the National Security Council in his office after staff.
Josh: Sorry we're late. Is this Total Crackpot Day again?
Leo: Yes it is.
Sam: And let us please note that Josh does not go on the list.
Leo: Actually, you've got a thing right now.
Josh: Yeah, I know. Donna told me.
CJ: What's going on?
Josh: We're doing the thing
Sam: Hey…is there any word yet on the…
Cathy: The thing's still out there.
Mr. Willis of Ohio
Josh: You thought you were telling a complete stranger that you slept with a call girl.
Sam: Accidentally slept with a call girl. Mallory, does your father know?
Mallory: No.
Sam: Zoey, does your father know?
Zoey: Not yet.
Sam: Oh, so this is going to be a thing.
The State Dinner
Leo: Listen. McClane, Idaho – I need someone to monitor and keep the President and me updated throughout the day.
Josh: I'll assign someone from my office.
Mandy: I can do it.
Josh: No, you can't.
Mandy: Why not?
Josh: Because you're a political consultant and this is an actual…you know…thing.
Sam: You got something going on tonight with Josh?
Toby: We've got to see a guy about a thing.
Sam: So, you got a thing tonight? A date?
Laurie: A client? Yeah.
Donna: If you can't explain what you're doing there, the assumption is that you're a sorcerer. If you try to run, the assumption is that you're a sorcerer. Okay? So if anything happens, the prudent thing is to stand still and calmly explain your business.
Josh: Well, prudent or not, once the scythe comes out I'm probably going to haul ass.
Leo: Can they get out?
CJ: Leo, the thing is 600 miles across. They're locked in. How bad can this get?
Leo: Catastrophic.
CJ: What do you want to do?
Leo: Let's do this thing and then get ready. --
Enemies
CJ: What's your thing about?
Sam: Nothing. What's your thing about?
CJ: Nothing.
Leo: Did you need something?
Bartlet: No, I just came in to see what you were doing.
Leo: No appointments?
Bartlet: Nah, you know, we had most of the night blocked off for that thing and it got canceled so…
Leo: Take the night off.
Bartlet: I don't want to hear about Hoynes and the Cabinet meeting.
CJ: Mr. President…
Bartlet: Is Danny going to make it a thing?
CJ: No.
Bartlet: What did you have to give him?
CJ: A half hour sit-down on the record.
Bartlet: Sold.
Leo: Sam, I gave you the thing to do because I was pissed you were taking, you know, blah blah blah…
Mallory: Well said, dad.
Leo: Anyway, I'm sorry about that.
Sam: Yeah, I figured. Say, do you mind if I skip the coffee? I want to nail this thing.
The Short List
Danny: Josh said you like goldfish.
CJ: The crackers, Danny. The cheese things that you have at a party?
Danny: You know what? I'm not a hundred percent sure I was supposed to know that.
In Excelsis Deo
Leo: Who the hell is this guy and why do I care if he has a merry Christmas?
Margaret: Just sign the damn thing.
Josh: Sam, I need to know if she would divulge the name or names of any influential Republican members of Congress that she might've…
Sam: No way.
Josh: Sam…
Sam: I'm telling you, there's no way, Josh!
Josh: There's a thing that's going to happen.
Bartlet: This is a Christmas thing I'm doing, Mandy. We don't have to make hay out of it.
Mandy: It's such good hay.
Bartlet: Wanna come?
Josh: An hour with you in a rare book store? Couldn't you just drop me off the top of the Washington monument instead?
Bartlet: It's Christmas Josh, no reason we can't do both.
CJ: Take me out tonight and convince me.
Danny: Excuse me?
CJ: You heard me.
Danny: I didn't. Cause there was - I was distracted by a thing.
Bartlet: When is this thing?
Toby: I'm going to pick his brother and go there now.
Lord John Marbury
Process Server: Sir, if you'd just sign this to show proof…
Josh: Give me the thing. This is like the forty-third time…this is Freedom Watch, right?
He Shall, From Time to Time...
Sam: You know, here's a thing: we haven't been invited.
Josh: What do you mean?
Sam: Technically, the Speaker of the House invites the President to deliver the State of the Union.
Toby: And we haven't been invited yet.
Sam: Not yet.
Leo: Is anybody seeing to this?
Sam: I'll take care of it.
Toby: Good, because we want to be able to report that the country's a lot stranger than it was a year ago.
Bartlet: You're very sexy when you're in doctor mode, you know that? ‘Get me an IV saline solution and 100 milligrams flumadine, stat.' I could jump you right now.
Abbey: I could kill you right now.
Bartlet: My thing's more fun.
Take Out the Trash Day
Toby: There's going to be a thing with Zoey. Her sociology professor's teaching some things and we're going to get her out of the class.
Josh: We put the thing in a drawer for a year and you can guarantee us…
Congressman: That there'll be no hearings in the House, yes.
Take This Sabbath Day
CJ: So, here's my job tonight if this thing happens: “At 12:01 he'll get the injection…”
Mandy: CJ…
CJ: No, I'm saying – I'm reading it right here. “The first sign of death will be his hands twitching. After sixty seconds he'll strain against the straps. His head will have snapped back violently and after ninety seconds he'll be in convulsions. At 12:04 he'll be pronounced dead.”
Celestial Navigation
Sam: This thing's about thirty minutes old, Josh. We don't know exactly what happened.
Josh: What do we know?
Sam: Roberto Mendoza doesn't drink.
Josh: He was arrested for drunk driving.
Sam: Roberto Mendoza doesn't drink, Josh.
Josh: How much does the press know?
Sam: They don't know anything.
Josh: The cops haven't leaked it?
Sam: I swear to God, I don't think the cops know.
Josh: They don't know that they've arrested Roberto Mendoza?
Sam: They don't know it's that Roberto Mendoza.
Josh: I've got this thing now.
Sam: I got a cab. [to driver] The White House. [to Josh] I'll let you know what's going on.
CJ: Carol, let's move the briefing to 1.
Carol: You can't.
CJ: Why not?
Carol: You have the thing.
CJ: Yes, and this is a perfect excuse to postpone the thing.
Carol: You really don't want to do that.
Sam: You have a thing?
Josh: Eight words: “The President's not taking any questions right now.” If we'd just stepped in 30 seconds sooner…[cell phone rings] that's me. I'm sorry, I, uh, there's a thing. I have, I have to answer this now. This'll just, uh, take a second.
20 Hours in L.A.
CJ: Uh, would you excuse me, Mark? I'm sorry…I've got to talk to Sam about a…a thing…the uh, President wants to… [makes her escape to Sam]
CJ: Sorry, there's a thing I've got to talk to Sam about regarding a… [to Sam] Pretend like you're talking to me again.
Sam: Okay, this time let's use code names
The White House Pro-Am
Lilli Mays: So here's my thing.
Sam: What?
Lilli: What would you guys think about the President not going to the Hill for the Budget meetings tomorrow, but us bringing the leadership to the White House instead?
Sam: Why?
Lilli: We want the news cycle.
Josh: I'll talk to Lilli Mays.
Sam: I'll do it. I'm already going in there on the Ron Erlich thing. If I'm going to take a hit, I might as well take two.
Danny: 2000 marriage proposals, 2000 death threats. A dozen bodyguards. Everyone wants to get close, everyone wants a thing.
Donna: It's an interesting book.
Josh: The hundred years ago thing?
Bartlet: This wire thing is a problem for me. The kid on TV was a mistake, and the amendment from Becky Reeseman will bring down a trade bill that's been worked on for years
Abbey: Just ease up on the high ground.
Bartlet: On that point, I concede the high ground.
Abbey: And I concede I was wrong about the thing.
Bartlet: Good.
Abbey: However…
Bartlet: No, no however. Just be wrong.
Six Meetings Before Lunch
Toby: These things take patience. These things take skill. These things take luck. In the fifteen months we've been in office, what kind of luck have we had, Ginger?
Ginger: Bad luck.
Toby: What kind of luck?
Ginger: Very bad luck.
Josh: A panda's what I think it is, right? Little Australian thing, eats the bark off a koala tree?
Donna: That's a koala bear I believe you're describing.
Josh: The panda's the other one.
Josh: I mean…was there a thing?
Leo: Two sentences on the back dust jacket of a book that's coming out called The Unpaid Debt.
Josh: That's it?
Leo: Stadler's unhappy.
Leo: What the hell is that?
Josh: CJ's going to do “The Jackal”.
Leo: Oh, where she lip-syncs to the thing?
Gina: The thing with the reporter this morning - it was fast, it was physical, she's 19 years old and she thought her father was in trouble.
Let Bartlet Be Bartlet
Toby: Okay, here's my thing. If you're wrong; if the Coast Guard is wrong…the remarks open with "As I look out over this magnificent vista." If the event gets moved indoors, he will no longer be looking out over a vista of any kind.
Josh: I need you to get me prepped on something.
Donna: What?
Josh: English as the national language.
Donna: Why?
Josh: It might come up.
Donna: Why?
Josh: Because if we do a thing with the FEC, opponents will put English as the national language on the table.
Toby: So…there's going to be a thing.
Leo: About what?
Toby: Mandy wrote an opposition research memo for Russell and somebody's got it.
Mandatory Minimums
Josh: It's fine. Bring her [Joey Lucas] out here.
Toby: She'll be here tomorrow.
Josh: This isn't a thing.
Toby: Okay.
Josh: I met her twice, Toby.
Sam: Yeah, but one of those times she broke your heart.
Josh: Did you talk to him about the thing yet?
Leo: No.
Toby: You want to be there, you can be there. But this is a serious thing.
Andy: Can I bring my pie?
Toby: Andy…
Andy: I'm just saying, it's a serious thing. There might not be any food there.
Sam: Steve, the FEC nominees aren't my thing.
Josh: I brought you a coffee mug. Just as a thing…cause you don't know anybody.
Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Leo: Rodney!
Rodney: Yes, Mr. McGarry.
Leo: Could you do that thing you were doing before?
Danny: You can't stay pissed at me forever.
CJ: Let's find out.
Danny: Mandy's thing went away. Do you see anybody writing about it? Do you see anybody talking about it?
What Kind of Day Has It Been
Leo: I thought that was the signal for the other thing.
Josh: That's the signal for this thing now.