It's Amy Gardner's first day on the job -- as Abbey Bartlet's new Chief of Staff -- and it's hazing time. And so it's no surprise that Amy assumes CJ and Will are joking when they explain that Marion Cotesworth-Haye of the Daughters of the American Revoluation is complaining publicly that Abbey's qualifying relative was a pirate. Meanwhile, Abbey sets Amy up against the Senior Staff when she learns that Jed is planning to swallow a late rider to the Foreign Ops bill -- a gag rule on healthcare facilities in poor countries. Meanwhile, Toby tackles a tricky subject when an old roommate (and current chemical company executive) asks for legal protection under the federal whistleblower laws. Josh orders Donna to shadow a possible security risk at the DAR reception, Leo monitors a natural disaster in Alaska, and Will gives Charlie some advice about The Zoey Situation.

Starring:

STOCKARD CHANNING as First Lady Abigail Bartlet
DULÉ HILL as Charlie Young
ALLISON JANNEY as C.J. Cregg
JOSHUA MALINA as Will Bailey
JANEL MOLONEY as Donna Moss
RICHARD SCHIFF as Toby Ziegler
JOHN SPENCER as Leo McGarry
BRADLEY WHITFORD as Josh Lyman
and MARTIN SHEEN as President Josiah Bartlet

Bartlet:  Yeah, and now I missed the whole thing.

Abbey:  I accidentally blew your plan, and you had advisors on this and everything, didn't you?  You had memos from senior staff on Operation Human Snooze Button.

Bartlet:  Operation Resting Eagle.

Abbey:  Oh, no.  Please tell me you didn't really name it.

Will:  A glacier melted?

Josh:  Don't fixate on that.

Will:  I'm not fixating on it, but, you know, a glacier melted?

Burt:  We don't make chemicals, Toby, we make ideas.

Toby:  Uh-huh.  But what do you sell?

Burt:  Chemicals.

Toby:  And you're testifying on Polluter Pays.

Burt:  Yeah.

Toby:  On behalf of nature?

Will:  Why is she breaking up with you again?

Charlie:  I make Jean Paul uncomfortable.  They've had a talk.

Will:  So it's really your ex-girlfriend on behalf of her new boyfriend who sent you a Dear John email.

Charlie:  Yeah, that makes it better.

Toby:  It will do tremendous good for us in terms of winning this one.

Josh:  Toby?

Toby:  Yeah?

Josh:  Plus we retard Kierney-Passaic's progress in killing people.

Toby:  Josh is right.  There are several positive outcomes.

Josh:  All I did was get up in the morning.  Then I got a message to come see you.

Toby:  How come he knows about the rule--

Josh:  Everybody knows about that.

Toby:  Was something else on your mind that moment in law school when they taught that rule?  Were you distracted by a bumblebee?