"What do you want me--'The President while riding a bike on his vacation in Jackson Hole came to a sudden arboreal stop.' What do you want from me?" 1.1]
"We're the only super power left you can conquer the world like Charlemagne. But you better be prepared to kill everyone and you better start with me, 'cause I will raise up an army against you." [1.3]
"Of course it's not good. There is no good. It's what there is. It's how you behave if you're the most powerful country in the world. It's what our fathers taught us." [1.3]
"There are two things you never want to let people see how you make 'em: laws and sausages." [1.4]
"It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson that I, from time to time, ask senior staff to have face-to-face meetings with those people representing organizations who have a difficult time getting our attention. I know the more jaded among you see this as something rather beneath you. But I assure you that listening to the voices of passionate Americans is beneath no one, and surely not the people's servants." [1.5]
"Well, nothing says Christmas like animal fables in iambic verse." [1.10]
"Of her many transgressions, Mr. President, let's not worry about she resorted to cliché." [1.15]
"Thanks. Having been born yesterday on a turnip truck..." [1.15]
"So you'll understand if I'm not giddy as a schoolgirl at the thought of running once again into the warm embrace of the Senate Judiciary Committee." [1.18]
"If you ever told me to get aggressive about anything, I'd say I serve at the pleasure of the president." [1.19]
"If we're going to walk into walls I want us running into them full speed. We're going to lose some of these battles, and we might even lose the White House, but we're not going to be threatened by issues. We're going to bring 'em front and center. We're going to raise the level of public debate in this country, and let that be our legacy." [1.19]
"I mean, you did good today. I'm just saying, there's a way to be a person." [1.22]
"Because I'm tired of it. Year, after year, after year, after year, having to choose between the lesser of who cares. Of trying to get myself excited about a candidate who can speak in complete sentences. Of setting the bar so low I can hardly look at it. They say a good man can't get elected. Well, I don't believe that." [2.1]
"This is the time of Jed Bartlet, old friend. You're gonna open your mouth and lift houses off the ground. Whole houses, clear off the ground." [2.1]
"We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret, vetoing things and sending them back to the Hill!" [2.2]
"The President likes smart people who disagree with him. He wants to hear from you. The President's asking you to serve... and everything else is crap." [2.4]
"I'm a recovering alcoholic -- Bam! -- Radio, TV, magazines, cameras in front of my house, people shouting at my daughter at the ball game, editorials, op-eds: 'He's a drunk, he's dangerous, he should resign.'" [2.5]
"...trying to get 100 Senators in a line is still like trying to get cats to walk in a parade." [2.6]
"You're standing pretty close to the engine, so it maybe sounded like I said Notre Dame is going to get the ass-kicking they so richly deserve." [2.7]
"So we have laws and they are difficult and they have to be enforced and it's right that they're enforced. But we do not strut. Ever." [2.7]
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.' " [2.10]
"The year is one week old, the legislative session hasn't even begun and we can't put a forkful of waffles in our mouth without coughing up the ball." [2.11]
"I fought a jungle war. I'm not doing it again. If I could put myself anywhere in time it would be the Cabinet Room on August 4th, 1964, when our ships were attacked by North Vietnam in the Tonkin Gulf. I'd say, 'Mr. President, don't do it. You're considering authorizing a massive commitment of troops and throwing in our lot with torturers and panderers, leaders without principle and soldiers without conviction, with no clear mission and no end in sight." [2.14]
"This war is at home. Its casualties are in our prisons and not our hospitals. The amount of money the American government is spending in Colombia is the exact same amount American consumers are spending buying drugs from Colombia. We're funding both sides of this war, and we'll never win it that way." [2.14]
"A little thing called team morale, Josh, you gotta make people feel good about themselves. All right, shut the hell up, everybody, I've fired more people than you before breakfast." [2.16]
"Right out of the gate, the Bartlet campaign is pandering and bumbling and performing abortions in the Rose Garden." [3.1]
"I didn't think the Washington Times could spell all those words." [3.8]
"Knock yourself out. In fact, go ahead and knock yourself out." [3.8]
"I like the little things, the way a glass feels in your hand, a good glass, thick with a heavy base. I love the sound an ice cube makes when you drop it from just the right height. Too high and it'll chip when you drop it. Chip the ice and it'll melt too fast in the Scotch." [3.9]
"I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this?" [3.9]
"You think I'm so desperate to save my ass I'm gonna roll over on Jed Bartlet? I take a bullet for the president, he doesn't take one for me." [3.10]
"This is the most horrifying part of your liberalism. You think there are moral absolutes." [3.21]
"Well, it may be like I'm in the Mafia, but I'm not. I work for the good guys." [4.3]
"We're thinking about starting our own tabloid." [4.4]
"We'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow. We said that yesterday." [4.5]
"There's no such thing as too smart. There's nothing you can do that's not gonna make me proud of you. Eat 'em up. Game on." [4.6]
"I can't pretend Qumar's our quirky little ally whose culture it's important to be tolerant of. They're not wearing wooden shoes. I was a soldier. I flew fighters over the DMZ and it was incredibly dangerous. What did I do that for?" [4.6]
"Sir, you and I enjoy your funny jokes, but Idaho, you know, not so much." [4.9]
"The Church of the Nativity is closed, you wanna believe that?" [4.11]
"What, did the First Lady get you drunk and take you shopping?" [4.12]
"If the President's wearing a hat or that thing's wearing a Bartlet button, I'm hiding snakes in your car." [4.12]
"The President's nothing if not contemplative, Senator. The man makes the Prince of Denmark seem reactionary." [4.14]
"We've got pastrami from Krupen's, it's tissue paper thin. Roast beef, corned beef, turkey, Russian dressing, cole slaw, and seedless rye, and winning the hard-earned money of your coworkers -- this is what I call a night off." [4.20]
"Fix this, would you please? There's a story out there we're obstructing justice, and another -- we're like in a Ray Bradbury yarn. These things make me crazy." [4.21]
"Well, if it turns out we closed the Port of Portland because of a typo, it's only going to fuel Margaret's insanity." [4.22]
"I'm not prepared to think about politics while we're under terrorist attack. The republic comes first." [5.1]
"Maybe the camel's back was already broken, but you gave him the straw and then drove over him with a tank!" [5.6]
"I've got a cap gains tax cut tacked onto an appropriations bill, two Bronze Age civilizations threatening to blow each other up over some goats, and a major ally that's going to be in the lobby leafing through dog-eared copies of Congressional Quarterly while the President is singing Kumbaya." [5.6]
"Stop breaking things. I don't need the victims of Hippogate filing class action lawsuits." [5.7]
"Draw a picture if you need to -- a ballot in a circle with a line through it." [5.9]
"There's a reason we have chain of command. So people don't take flyers and I don't hand you their resignations." [5.12]
"Men died for us. We had a responsibility to live our lives with integrity and honesty to honor their sacrifice." [5.14]