"As it turns out, you actually gave me more money than I needed to buy what you asked for. However, knowing you -- as I do -- I'm afraid I can't trust you to spend the money wisely. I've decided to invest it for you." [1.6]
"You see? You spend most of your time being, you know, you. And then you write something like this to me. Thank you... Skis would have killed you? [1.10]
"You have a very sensitive system." [1.14]
"'Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,' Josh. You know what that means? It means you should take this time to gather rosebuds 'cause later on you might not be able to." [1.16]
"Actually, Josh, when I said I was assigned to you, I may have been overstating it a little." [2.2]
"Okay, when I said I graduated, I may have been overstating a little." [2.2]
"Look, I think I can be good at this. I think you might find me valuable." [2.2]
"You know what word should be Yiddish but isn't? Spatula. Also, farfetched." [2.3]
"My name is Donnatella Moss. I work here in the White House as an assistant to Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman, which I guess makes me Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff." [2.5]
"If we backed off on everything because of words that Republicans found silly, we'd have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care." [2.6]
"Philately's fun, Josh." [2.9]
"Puerto Ricans have to register to be drafted into the Armed Forces, yet they're not allowed to vote for President. They're expected to die for a Commander in Chief they had no voice in electing. We have colonized Puerto Rico and they will rise up against us." [2.9]
"You can take your Pablo Casals. You can keep your Rostropovich. I say Yo-Yo Ma rules." [2.10]
"It's -- wait... wait... No. Damn. My X-Ray vision is failing me today." [2.11]
"You fired me twice already tonight. I'm impervious." [2.14]
"In a free society, you don't need a reason to make something legal. You need a reason to make something illegal." [2.15]
"I started working for you in February, this is April, and you're an idiot." [2.18]
"If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights." [2.18]
"I'm a madwoman, CJ, and it doesn't stop with the leak... Call the authorities. Send them to my parents' house in Madison... They'll find the Lindbergh baby in the basement... Also some post-its reminding me where I put Jimmy Hoffa... I framed Roger Rabbit." [2.19]
"Watch now as he's going to put me down and make my point at the exact same time." [3.0]
"I grew up on a farm….I grew up near a farm. And I was cute, and I was peppy, and I always did well on my nineteenth century English literature midterm till you came along and sucked me into your life of crime. White Collar Crime Boy!" [3.3]
"So many women, so little charm." [3.11]
"You know, I've kinda had it now too. They're shocked and appalled and disappointed, but really they're none of those things, they just wish they were, so never to miss an opportunity to feel morally superior." [3.14]
"No, I'm very upset. I don't know the words to my national anthem. I've been throwing out Canadian pennies my whole life. I've been making fun of the Queen -- We don't do that." [3.15]
"You have fans, Josh. Not very many of them, from the looks of it, but what they lack in numbers, they more than make up for in fervor." [3.16]
"What Josh doesn't know is that some of these people haven't taken their medication. Let's watch what happens now." [3.16]
"I have such an impulse to knock your heads together. I can't remember the last time I heard you two talk about anything other than how a campaign was playing in Washington. Cathy needed to take a second job so her dad could be covered by insurance. She tried to tell you how bad things were for family farmers -- you told her we already lost Indiana. You made fun of the fair but you didn't see they have livestock exhibitions and give prizes for the biggest tomato and best heirloom apple. They're proud of what they grow. Eight modes of transportation, the kindness of six strangers, random conversations with twelve more and nobody brought up Bartlet vs. Ritchie but you. I'm writing letters on your behalf to the parents of the kids who were killed today. Can I have the table please?" [4.2]
"I own myself, Josh. You don't mind if I say that out loud at frequent intervals with no provocation for a little while, do you?" [4.4]
"Please, it was like a meeting of the There But for the Grace of God Society." [4.4]
"Pumpkin Patch, is there anything I can do to get you to go to the movies for eight hours?" [4.7]
"Or maybe it says that even with the President's supporters accidentally voting for the wrong candidate, you're still gonna get creamed, you little fascist!" [4.7]
"Josh has asked me to work Saturdays, work Sundays, and at least once a week he has me there after one a.m. He's asked me to transpose portions of the federal budget into base-8, go to North Dakota, and dress as an East German cocktail waitress. In five years of working for him, he's never asked me to hide him from something." [4.12]
"I'm not kidding. I can do more. I want to learn how." [4.19]
"I'm sorry, but this bird has been sitting here tapping on the window for, I'm not kidding, I don't know how long, but a long time. I lost track 'cause I'm moving into certain phases of dementia with this thing." [4.21]
"Well, yeah, he went to law school, but... You don't practice law, is all I was saying." [4.21]
"His sister died in a fire when she was babysitting him. She tried to put it out and he ran outside. He went off campaigning and his father died. He woke up in the hospital and discovers the President's been shot. He goes through every day worrying someone he likes is going to get hurt and it's going to be his fault. Why do you think he walks so fast?" [4.22]
"Do you know how many faxes we've gotten, and do you know how many of them are from your insane groupies? The Lyman Hoes have chosen this time to let you know via fax "should you be needing any physical comfort during this horrible time" -- Read that. Do you like that? Is that what turns you on, you sicky?" [4.23]
"I could tell you it's because I need a clean copy of the Post, but the truth is I have a crush on the little old man at the cappuccino stand." [5.6]
"I thought I was the character-building funny part." [5.6]
"I think our side's done a bad job explaining why what we're fighting for is important. It's not about abstract problems and endless acronyms, but real things that affect real people, like affording college." [5.7]
Do we toss out Daisy Ames, mother of three, worked two jobs, had a boyfriend who stored a kilo in her closet? She's done eight years and is facing eleven more. That's longer than rapists and child molesters get. There's about fifteen Daisys in here -- do we pick three?" [5.11]
"Is this some kind of over-determined, do something impossible to impress the one guy who impresses you and stole your girlfriend in law school kind of thing?" [5.16]